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Spring Training Quotables – Mark Teixeira

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The New York Yankees’ Mark Teixeira on repeating …[bracketed] quotes were removed by but retained hereunder for accuracy:

“Because we’re the [gosh darn] Yankees,” Teixeira said. “If you get complacent, it’s going to be a tough year for you. Once you taste a championship and taste that victory, [gahhhhleeee] it just makes you want it even more. You realize it’s everything you’ve ever hoped for.”

“We have to feel that way every single [fudgin’] season,” Teixeira said. “We feel like we’re just as capable of defending our [dang-gum] championship as we were winning it last year. We have a great team, the core group of guys are back [and a bunch of black guys are here, too!], and hopefully we all get a little bit better [I mean those boys fly!].”

“[Shoot,] I don’t know how many times I told my wife how nice it is I don’t have to worry about the future [while she’s ironin’ my jersey and sweepin’ the porch],” Teixeira said. “The last couple of years, it’s always been, ‘Where’s my family going to be? Where are we going to live? [Where’d ya put my dang-gum fishing pole, Mama?]’

“This year, it was really, ‘What [funny-soundin’] restaurant are we going to go to? Where are we going to take the kids [where’t don’t smell like pee]? What shows are we going to watch?’ I think that was a nice change for my family [I mean, how much catfishin’ will an 8-year-old take before he grows himself a set a’ gills?]”

“Everyone kind of tries to tell you … ‘You have to change something, [quit starin’ at the sun!  poop sittin’ down!], but be yourself,'” Teixeira said. “Whoever it is, they’re in this room for a reason [even that Robbie Cano, I suppose]. You have talent, they’ve performed on the highest levels. When you come to the Yankees, there’s more eyes watching [kinda like gettin’ lost in the swampy place where the hill people are, blinkin’ in the trees, don’t go there!], more people that care — which is great. You go out and play the game the way it’s supposed to be played.”

“For us, I think it’s ‘Let’s keep doing what we’re doing,'” Teixeira said. “That was our motto last year during the playoffs — ‘Keep up the good work and let’s keep working hard and playing good baseball.’ [My other motto was “an apple a day keeps the doctor away, Alex!”]  That’s what we’re going to try to do this year.”


Written by Ryan

February 24, 2010 at 8:11 am

Yankees Spring Training 2010 Detailed Calendar & Itinerary

Bronx Brass Tacks has uncovered the most detailed as-of-yet calendar & itinerary for the New York Yankees’ Spring Training in 2010, waaaaay more detailed than the reporting dates and tentative game schedule.  The defending World Champions have quite the active spring on tap, here’s what we can expect:

Pitchers & Catchers: 2/17

4:30am – Joba Chamberlain’s first feeding: 2-oz warm bottle of formula.  Make sure you burp him!

6:15 – Phil Hughes practices shaving, “0-2 stare” in bathroom mirror.

7:00 – Andy Pettitte eats his oatmeal, fills out his daily stool-monitoring chart.

8:00 –  All players suit up and meet on field B.

9:30 –  Pitchers throw off the mound to live batters.

9:31 –  Jorge Posada’s first visit to the mound.

9:45 – Goose Gossage’s moustache arrives to monitor bullpen hopefuls.

10:30 – Coaches only: calculator calisthenics with manager Joe  Girardi.

11:15 – Visit from “Gator” announced; rookies mistakenly form line to pet the baby alligators.

12:00 – Lunch!

12:15 – A.J. Burnett impresses the rookies with his looger-hocking skills.

12:45 – Joba hits pitch limit while tossing lunch bag in trash can, sits out rest of afternoon.

1:00 – Damaso Marte retires for a lefty-specialists-only siesta.

1:40 – Javier Vazquez permission slip to start due in Dave Eiland’s hands.  Signature from la Mamita is required.

2:30 – CC Sabathia finishes lunch.

3:20 – Mariano Rivera spontaneously appears in right field, jogs to the mound, warms up.

5:15 – Hit the steam room!

First Workout: 2/18

5:45am – All binders, staplers, paper clips, and hole-punches report to Joe Girardi’s office for pre-spreadsheeting warm-ups.

6:00 – ARod sings “Like a Virgin” into his shower brush.

6:30 – Derek Jeter inside-outs an egg for breakfast.

8:00 -Players begin stretching hamstrings, shoulders, and quads; Nick Swisher starts stretching tongue & loosening his rock-n-roll devil-fingers; Mark Teixeira assumes lotus posture, after 20 minutes moves slowly to downward-eagle position, resumes chakra breathing after another 40 minutes, meditates on the UZR of the Yankee infield for an hour or so.

8:05 – Nick Johnson down with a leg injury.

9:15 – Car backfires; Brett Gardner takes off in a puff of smoke, is never seen again.

11:00 – Nick Johnson returns from leg injury, sprains shoulder.

11:45 – Early lunch, damn it’s hot out there today!

12:30 – Tony Pena sends A.J. Burnett to Cashman’s office for tagging up “legends” monuments with spray paint.

1:00 – Hank Steinbrenner goes AWOL from rehab; Steinbrenner Field security puts all flammables under lock and key.

1:55 – Curtis Granderson has had quite enough of the “Yankee this, Yankee that” b******t for a Wednesday afternoon.

3:45 – Ramiro Pena and Francisco Cervelli swap “chupacabra” stories.

4:20 – Binders vs. Penda-Flex, intra-squad.

5:50 – Nick Johnson returns from shoulder sprain, ruptures knee capsule.

Position Players: 2/23

7:00am – Nick Johnson fractures eye socket while opening medicine cabinet, requires hip surgery.

9:00 – Yogi Berra visits, rambles ten or twenty minutes about what “Robbie Cano, can do!”

10:25 –  Reggie Jackson wallpapers ARod’s locker with box scores from the ’73, ’74, ’77, and ’78 World Series.

11:10 – Mel Stottlemyre spits on binder and tells it to “go to hell.”

12:50 – Johnny Damon shows up, tells a small group of last year’s starters that the players on his new team are “real jerks”.

1:15 – Randy Winn “is just about due out on the lawn with the young-in’s, sittin’ on the swing with a tall glass of lemonade and a-rockin’, jus’ sittin’ and a-rockin’.”

2:30 – Cody Ransom takes center field.

3:15 – Jeter meets the press in the Civic Auditorium to issue 3 full hours of quotables to the 400 reporters assembled there.  Finishes by saying “now, leave me the f*** alone for the next 8 months.”

3:55 – Sun momentarily eclipsed as Michael Kay’s head emerges from the dugout.

4:20 – MLB Network to replay ARod’s last three or four apologies in succession for the next 72 hours straight.

First Full Workout: 2/24

8:00am – Nick Johnson pronounced dead

…and announced as the opening day DH.

Written by Ryan

February 14, 2010 at 12:06 pm

MLB Trade Rumors MAD LIBS

MLB Trade Rumors is reporting that [_____] is interested in [____], citing a report from [______] (and Ken Rosenthal) that GM [_____] is looking to upgrade [____] and is “open to [_______]”.  Although nothing has actually happened yet, the [______] have not yet decided whether to [______] or [______] free agent [_______], whose agent [________] has hinted that he might be favoring [_________] because of [_______].  The Yankees, the Red Sox, the [____], and the [_____] are said to be the front runners in the chase, with Red Sox in the lead, reports Peter Gammons.

Print out, fill in the blanks, and enjoy!

In Yankee news, Austin Jackson is getting a fire lit under him officially as the team picks up the minor league contract of a troubled 21-year-old outfielder with speed and arm.

That’s all for now.


Written by Ryan

November 24, 2009 at 9:32 pm

Moment of Zen

Haiku by Alex Rodriguez

The ball clears the fence.

Women scream my name: “A-Rod!”

Ground ball to 3rd base.


Written by Ryan

February 12, 2009 at 2:23 pm

Posted in All, Made!

Tagged with

Primobolan: Yum!

Want to hit homeruns into your 50s, or party like Madonna into your 60s?

Reading up on the “Primo“.  To sum:

  • Excellent fat burner
  • Improves immune function
  • great for adding lean muscle mass while on calorie-restricted diets
  • Anti-breast tumor properties
  • non-androgenic; doesn’t make you grow udders nor does it shrink your gonads
  • non-toxic to the liver; very important, as liver failure is not a risk and complementary liver-cleaning compounds are not necessary.
  • not useful for bulking up; can’t be used in AIDS patients or victims of anemia to remedy body tissue wasting
  • not yet approved for use by the FDA
  • does, probably, hasten hair loss

From the [yes!] link:

The unfortunate truth about injectable Primo is that it´s a very expensive chemical to obtain, and that price is reflected in the cost to the average consumer. Ten dollars per 1ml/100mg ampule is not unheard of, and I´ve seen it go for more. This is, of course, absurd. As if that´s not enough, this is also the most commonly counterfeited steroids on the black market. I recommend buying Primobolan (either the oral or injectable) from a respected Underground lab instead of trying to play a game of “spot the fake steroid” in Mexico or Europe. The underground versions should cost between $5-7 for 100mgs of Methenolone and I wouldn´t really consider paying more for it, although I have seen the British Dragon version of this product priced up to $20/ml.

That has to be my favorite website ever.

The drug is manufactured by German global big pharma Schering AG, a subsidiary of Bayer AG.   [Not to be confused with  Schering-Plough].

UPDATE: ARod Says: “Love That Primo!”

Thanks to Uncle Sal for the heads up!,0,5545510.story

Written by Ryan

February 9, 2009 at 8:39 am

Posted in All, Made!, News & Opinion

Newsflash: Alex Rodriguez was a Major Leaguer in 2003

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Thanks to JRZ for the heads up, breaks the news of a 2003 positive for anabolics drawn from the golden urine of one Alex Rodriguez:

…two sources familiar with the evidence that the government has gathered in its investigation of steroid use in baseball and two other sources with knowledge of the testing results have told Sports Illustrated that Rodriguez is one of the 104 players identified as having tested positive, in his case for testosterone and an anabolic steroid known by the brand name Primobolan.

Primobolan was the best stuff:  more expensive and less-easily detected compared to Deca-Durabolin:

Primobolan, which is also known by the chemical name methenolone…is more expensive than most steroids. (A 12-week cycle can cost $500.) It improves strength and maintains lean muscle with minimal bulk development…and has relatively few side effects.

A year later in 2004, MLB instituted mandatory testing.

The internet is exploding with this article, so I can’t search for all the quotes from 2004 – onward in which ARod describes all the testing he’s undergone.

Sounds like another monkey has jumped on the back of the embattled Yankee 3rd baseman.

ARod bats 3rd.

Update: MLB Gestures, Winks, Makes Responsible Sounds

Just when you thought the League would quietly reach for its ankles, a sharply-worded statement from Labor Relations EVP Rob Manfred gets, um, stated:

“We are disturbed by the allegations contained in the Sports Illustrated news story which was posted online this morning. Because the survey testing that took place in 2003 was intended to be non-disciplinary and anonymous, we can not make any comment on the accuracy of this report as it pertains to the player named…Any allegation of tipping that took place under prior iterations of the program is of grave concern to Major League Baseball, as such behavior would constitute a serious breach of our agreement…”

ARod’s comment to reporters:

“You’ll have to talk to the union.”

Oh, I think the union has started talking already.

The one person who has anything to gain from this is ARod, and if there is one group, it’s the Yankees.  This is the kind of negativity bullhorned from the gates that galvanizes the clubhouse within.

ARod bats third.

Update:  The Salena Roberts Connection by Uncle Sal

Uncle Sal digs a little and hits a vein.  Turns out that a major hatchet jobber in the Duke Lacross non-scandal is the axe-wielding loony bird in the ARod tip-off, and that she has an upcoming ARod trash-piece hitting the shelves sometime soon.  Hit the link for more red meat.

Nice save, Sally-boy.

Written by Ryan

February 7, 2009 at 11:45 am

Posted in All, Made!, News & Opinion